The moment I first surrendered

It is a warm November afternoon, the day is starting to descend into the early evening. We are walking, in silence alone with our own thoughts 1002925_10201734635461428_866050478_ndown the rocky path. I wonder how good it is to be doing this talk in my flip flops.

As we get closer, the debate gets louder. My heart, my soul knows I am moving forward towards where I am supposed to be but my head is frustrated by how irrational that is. "Why are you here?" "What do you think is really going to happen - huh?"

This noisy debate is not unusual for me, the tug between the logical, the rational, the responsible intellectual part of me and the mystical, mysterious, intuitive part of me. I honestly wish they could learn to get along better. It would make my life so much easier.

We have arrived!

I snap out of my inner conflict to hear the instructions. I must do this properly! Aah the arrogance of thinking that I am in control of this! I look past the people and focus on the Labyrinth. A long winding circular path on the ground under the cover of the wisdom of the trees that seem to vibrate with energy. The rocks and stream surround the space making it seem safe and sacred.

My heart sighs, it knows, it is prepared.

My head is looking for the best escape route.

I take off my shoes and feel the ground under my feet. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer asking the Labyrinth to take the lead and show me what I need to know.

My head laughs at me, it's last ditch attempt to cause doubt and insecurity.

I start along the path, walking up and down, allowing the path to take the lead. One step at a time, heel, toe, heel, toe, I start to feel the rhythm.

With a sudden rush of energy I become aware of one of the other girls exploring the Labyrinth. As she starts to run, I am engulfed in the pain of a young girl hurt more than is fair or right. My heart breaks for her. All my focus shifts to sending her as much love as I can. I start to suspend my own journey so I can support hers - such a familiar pattern for me. A great way to avoid my own vulnerability. My empathy for her becomes so overwhelming.

My head is smirking at me.

I need to choose, heel, toe, heel, toe, me or her, me or her, which do I choose?

Today I choose to choose me. I know she is safe. I know she is supported. Today I choose to choose me. My head (ego) sighs, it is a small defeat. My heart (soul) smiles.

I come back. Heel, toe, heel, toe. Once again allowing the path to lead me.

I start to think ........ again ........ I wonder what the facilitators Angela and Garrick are seeing watching me do this. I wonder if I am doing it right. Stupid head, always needing validation this it is ok. The argument starts again!

Suddenly aloud buzzing noise fills my ears. It gets louder and louder. I block me are and look up. I am not sure if it is bugs making the noise but I cannot see anything. It gets louder. It sounds like chanting.Like an ancient tribe chanting around a fire. It is so loud, I can't think. What is it? Where is it coming from? How do I make it stop? Is it bugs? Is it singing?

I keep glaring up into the trees hoping for some logical answer. My breath is catching. I wish I could make it stop. The confusion, the frustration, the fear and the hope of what this is is all running through my veins. My arms keep flicking around my ears, scratching my head, pulling my hair. It is so loud! I take a breath, a deep deep breath, I feel the tears, I am so close to the middle of this magical crazy place.

I enter the middle. A I step in I hear the words SURRENDER ...... JUST SURRENDER.

My breathing clams, my shoulders drop, my eyes close. My head is quiet. I stay there, still, surrounded by the magic. Everything slows down.

So this is peace, this is calm. My head is quiet.

My soul is awakened. It stretches out into me, welcoming me into its embrace. I feel a small smile, I feel my legs real, my breath is full. I am me.

I take a long slow peaceful walk out from the centre of the mystery, back to reality. I exit. I don't care I am last, I don't care everyone is watching and waiting.

I look up and smile.

My head is quiet!

Love and blessings in your journey to peace